Here’s my thing for the blog challenge at Swift Expression about looking into your eyes and saying certain shit to yourself to cause you extreme pain and make you cry and hate either yourself or everyone else, or both.
I did it and the pain felt good because right now I am in pain and I kind of wanted some more. That sounds crazy but it’s like when you have a cut and you put disinfectant on it and that really burns like hell but you know it’s good for it. In the same way this hurt me and I’m crying, it made me cry, coz you know what, I AM a good person but everyone else is horrid. People are horrid and when I did it I just thought that you know what, I’m not perfect, not even a little bit in fact I’m pretty awful in a lot of ways but compared to most people I’m actually very nice coz I’m real and everyone else is fake and truly, truly awful. And when I did it, I just saw the pain in my eyes and felt like I don’t deserve to be treated the way that people treat me coz I’m sure as hell not bad as them and I don’t deserve it. That is definitely not the reaction I thought I’d feel when I did this coz I thoght I’d just be hating myself and maybe if i did it on another day, I would. But today I’m kind of hating people in general and compared to them, I feel nice and I feel sorry for myself like I would for any nice person that got treated badly too many times. So I’m glad I did it today, coz at least I’m hating other people instead of myself! haha.
I understand your feelings and feel the same way. Its often bad things happen to good people and yeah life isn’t fair but meanwhile the asshole is frolicking around happy and dandy and i just dont get the way the universe works.
Yeah I get what you mean. Me myself I’m Christian (believe it or not) (I hope that God is very very forgiving), so I try to believe that there’s a reason for all of this but maybe we just aren’t ready to know yet or something. I dont know. I just tell myself that one day there will be justice and that’s the best I’ve got. Thanks for your feedback.
Very cool idea, I’ll try this tonight for sure! I think your reaction makes a lot of sense, and thought your analogy with a cut/disinfectant was perfect – after all, if we can ‘see past’ the initial pain we can see the opportunity behind it — and if we can see the opportunity behind it, it makes that initial pain far less painful, and even in some cases like your’s, welcomed!
Similar to the picture and the test itself, I think that the good and bad we see in others is often a “reflection” of ourselves in some form! Sometimes we relate because what we see is similar, sometimes it’s the differences that make us similar – in all cases, everything we see in others is a reflection of a part of ourselves, or would we even see it?
I digress! Great post friend!