Here’s my thing for the blog challenge at Swift Expression about looking into your eyes and saying certain shit to yourself to cause you extreme pain and make you cry and hate either yourself or everyone else, or both.
I did it and the pain felt good because right now I am in pain and I kind of wanted some more. That sounds crazy but it’s like when you have a cut and you put disinfectant on it and that really burns like hell but you know it’s good for it. In the same way this hurt me and I’m crying, it made me cry, coz you know what, I AM a good person but everyone else is horrid. People are horrid and when I did it I just thought that you know what, I’m not perfect, not even a little bit in fact I’m pretty awful in a lot of ways but compared to most people I’m actually very nice coz I’m real and everyone else is fake and truly, truly awful. And when I did it, I just saw the pain in my eyes and felt like I don’t deserve to be treated the way that people treat me coz I’m sure as hell not bad as them and I don’t deserve it. That is definitely not the reaction I thought I’d feel when I did this coz I thoght I’d just be hating myself and maybe if i did it on another day, I would. But today I’m kind of hating people in general and compared to them, I feel nice and I feel sorry for myself like I would for any nice person that got treated badly too many times. So I’m glad I did it today, coz at least I’m hating other people instead of myself! haha.